I wanna move so far away
so i never have to see you agein.
I wanna leave behind all my freinds
so i never have to hear about you agein.
Take my shit and leave.
And never look back.
But it's all just to better ignore
how much i still love you and
to never have to regret and
be the bad guy agein.
I wanna dig myself down in all my work,
my hobbies, my house, my room.
Never to remined agein of you.
In the dark by myself.
Noone can realy help or
distract me enouth to
Get me moving on!
Get me out from my room!
Get my mind out of the dark!
Get my pain to go away!
5/7/09
5/5/09
Gone
I love her more, she loves me less.
I'm not doing good i must confess.
Her freinds hate me more, I hate them too.
That is definetly not good.
So now im doomed to wander my home,
nothing to do, all alone.
Nothing but her on my mind,
Just emtiness inside.
Waiting for her to return,
but thats not going to happen.
So alone i am,
till the day i can love agein.
I'm not doing good i must confess.
Her freinds hate me more, I hate them too.
That is definetly not good.
So now im doomed to wander my home,
nothing to do, all alone.
Nothing but her on my mind,
Just emtiness inside.
Waiting for her to return,
but thats not going to happen.
So alone i am,
till the day i can love agein.
3/28/09
Love
Love is a pain...a real pain. Now i know why girls stay with guys who hits them and why guys stick with girls who control they're entire life. Why people change so much when they fall in love...
I am endlessly and hopelessly in love with a girl who probly coulden't care less. no im not 15 and having my first little crush. Im 25 and it's probably my own damn fault im in this situation. I was so sick and tired and fed up with her...2 times. Now she's moved on and i was seposed to too, but a few months later im still tearing my hair out for not beeing with her. I know i was fed up at truly sick of her and still am, but that dosen't stop me from loving her. It's about to realy drive me nuts. im getting realy paranoid and anti-social. This is not typical me at all. Im usually such a positive person, but now im just broken. I wonder how it is to go crazy...do i know when it happens? is there a BING! moment or is it slowly over time? Or am i mayby already nuts and nothing noteworthy has happened to me that makes it more obvius?
Most of all i wonder if i hate this girl becouse i love her so much or if i both love and hate her. I guess moving on is the trick, but it sure as hell isen't easy i'll tell you that much...
I am endlessly and hopelessly in love with a girl who probly coulden't care less. no im not 15 and having my first little crush. Im 25 and it's probably my own damn fault im in this situation. I was so sick and tired and fed up with her...2 times. Now she's moved on and i was seposed to too, but a few months later im still tearing my hair out for not beeing with her. I know i was fed up at truly sick of her and still am, but that dosen't stop me from loving her. It's about to realy drive me nuts. im getting realy paranoid and anti-social. This is not typical me at all. Im usually such a positive person, but now im just broken. I wonder how it is to go crazy...do i know when it happens? is there a BING! moment or is it slowly over time? Or am i mayby already nuts and nothing noteworthy has happened to me that makes it more obvius?
Most of all i wonder if i hate this girl becouse i love her so much or if i both love and hate her. I guess moving on is the trick, but it sure as hell isen't easy i'll tell you that much...
2/24/09
And some time passed
Yeah so i haven't posted in quite a while. Im not sure why, but i've been in a real slump becouse of my break up with my girlfreind. First time in a long while i've actualy been pretty down about something like that since it was someone realy realy special. But hey thats how life goes. Im alot better now thou so on to something a little more interesting...
I've been reading the bible as mentioned before and it's realy amazing how crazy and violent the old testament is. I know most people have heard that before. It's just that it's only more resently i've been able to find out for myself. The kind of weird thing is how suprisingly few that gets punished for they're wrong doings. Sure some get burnt realy bad, but some just get away without a single mention of any punishment at all realy. So not only is there very extrem punishments in some places, but there are some that don't even get punished for what they do. Intresting. More on this as it unfolds :-)
I've been reading the bible as mentioned before and it's realy amazing how crazy and violent the old testament is. I know most people have heard that before. It's just that it's only more resently i've been able to find out for myself. The kind of weird thing is how suprisingly few that gets punished for they're wrong doings. Sure some get burnt realy bad, but some just get away without a single mention of any punishment at all realy. So not only is there very extrem punishments in some places, but there are some that don't even get punished for what they do. Intresting. More on this as it unfolds :-)
1/27/09
Experiment time!
Hey i'd like to share with you a little experiment i have going these days. Basicly what im doing is bringing a bible everywhere i go and reading it when i can. Thats right everywhere i go and reading a little whenever i can. Basicly what im doing is looking into if the tips i get from christians work. You know the ones...always keeping your bible neat. Reading it when you can. And ofcource keeping it handy for when you wanna spread the word.
So from now on i'll be brutaly honest with you along as i do this experiment about how i feel about it(good or bad) and give you updates every now and then. So far i have discovered some of the things that make alot of hate between different people and religons about who is entitled to live different places and so far im not thinking im quite at the stage where i suddenly sing myself back into the national church...
So from now on i'll be brutaly honest with you along as i do this experiment about how i feel about it(good or bad) and give you updates every now and then. So far i have discovered some of the things that make alot of hate between different people and religons about who is entitled to live different places and so far im not thinking im quite at the stage where i suddenly sing myself back into the national church...
1/21/09
Average conversation with Christians
Jesus dude: "There is no good proof that evolution is a fact"
Me: "Show me any at all proof that god exists"
Jesus dude: "Well just look at the bible here..."
!!!EPIC FAIL!!!
This is often how it goes. For some reason the proof there is for evolution is total bullshit, BUT some random book proves without shadow of a doupt that god is the creator and ruler of the universe. Lets just one thing clear. Im not in anyway 100% convinced that evolution is the way to go, but the fact remains that atleased there is, no matter how limited, some proof there. However most of the time Christians only have the almighty book. The book being almighty offcource couse they say so. Perhaps i should start worshipping Arthur Dent or Frodo. I read those books and got a very good feeling about them. These 2 are very average and convincing charecters yet they got throu the hardest of times. So that would lead me to think they're pretty good people to look up to right? Well to most Christians that would be a very big epic fail for me...makes sence that it would be wrong since the bible is a much older book...or written by god...(insert another lame ekscuse of and explanation here)...
I see how tradition and family could influence people to follow a little blindly, but pulling out the bible as proof is still about as dumb as it gets. If god is so great and you think you can prove it im happy to listen. Go ahead...don't be scared. No realy. There would be nothing as nice and comferting as just sitting back and knowing that im going to heaven and meeting all the dead people i know i want to know and meet. Also it would be nice to know atleased somone or something is noticing im a pretty ok guy when i want to be. But to conclude...don't throw a book at my face thinking it will convince me of anything other than that someone pulled of a realy good scam a few thousand years ago...
Me: "Show me any at all proof that god exists"
Jesus dude: "Well just look at the bible here..."
!!!EPIC FAIL!!!
This is often how it goes. For some reason the proof there is for evolution is total bullshit, BUT some random book proves without shadow of a doupt that god is the creator and ruler of the universe. Lets just one thing clear. Im not in anyway 100% convinced that evolution is the way to go, but the fact remains that atleased there is, no matter how limited, some proof there. However most of the time Christians only have the almighty book. The book being almighty offcource couse they say so. Perhaps i should start worshipping Arthur Dent or Frodo. I read those books and got a very good feeling about them. These 2 are very average and convincing charecters yet they got throu the hardest of times. So that would lead me to think they're pretty good people to look up to right? Well to most Christians that would be a very big epic fail for me...makes sence that it would be wrong since the bible is a much older book...or written by god...(insert another lame ekscuse of and explanation here)...
I see how tradition and family could influence people to follow a little blindly, but pulling out the bible as proof is still about as dumb as it gets. If god is so great and you think you can prove it im happy to listen. Go ahead...don't be scared. No realy. There would be nothing as nice and comferting as just sitting back and knowing that im going to heaven and meeting all the dead people i know i want to know and meet. Also it would be nice to know atleased somone or something is noticing im a pretty ok guy when i want to be. But to conclude...don't throw a book at my face thinking it will convince me of anything other than that someone pulled of a realy good scam a few thousand years ago...
1/13/09
You are powerless to quit...unless offcourse you bring Jesus into your life.
Just a little follow up to yesterday as i watched more today of the jesus show...sorry The Uprising. Today i saw in episode 4 they told a homeless guy he had no hope of quitting drugs on his own...ofcourse if he found Jesus and let him into his life it could be easy. So i guess the message this time is "Anyone who's not a Christian is doomed to die from they're drug habits". Well isen't that nice. Everyone is screwed...eksept the Christians. I mean mayby islam people and mayby hindu since they're also big religons, but if your an athist your fucked! Wow i hope i never start using drugs since it's doomed to lead me into Christianety. Man this kind of stuff usualy dosen't bother me much, BUT when they tell me how weak and hopeless i am to drugs, smoking, drinking or if im in a bad relationship i get pissed. Do you realy need god to figure out that drugs can be bad when you suddenly have no family and live on the street? Do you realy need the bible to stop wasting money on cigarettes? I say fuck no! You are a human beeing! You have a mind that has a pretty good ide whats wrong and whats right! And most of all you have free will to do whatever the fuck you want so if you want to quit whatever bad situation your in make up your mind to quit and don't look back for any reason!
P.S. God dosen't save those who are not resiliant or try. It says so in the bible so stop praying and begging to be saved and just fucking save yourself already damn it. I've been strong enouth...are you?
P.S. God dosen't save those who are not resiliant or try. It says so in the bible so stop praying and begging to be saved and just fucking save yourself already damn it. I've been strong enouth...are you?
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